Getting Through the Mornings With a Wild Toddler
I’ve been a parent for about 2 and a half years now, and one of the things I’ve learned is that mornings with children are very challenging if you’re a working parent. Probably around 90% of the discipline my daughter receives (in the form of time-outs and getting things taken away) occurs in the morning.
When I was a child myself, I remember my mother always being annoyed in the morning while I was getting ready for school. Now that I’m a mother myself, I can’t blame her too much. It usually took several tries to get me out of bed. I always wanted to wear something my mother disagreed with (such as shorts during the winter or long sleeves during the hot Florida summer), and I generally moved very slowly while getting ready (all things my toddler does now). Plus, that poor woman had to do it by herself; I at least have my husband to help me in the morning. All of that combined with incessant whining could send any reasonable adult over the edge when you’re trying to get your kid to school/daycare and then get yourself to work on time.
Two days ago, I had the worst morning with my toddler. She was crying, screaming, and/or whining from the moment my husband woke her up until I got her into her classroom at daycare. She usually calms down at some point, but that morning she didn’t.
First, she didn’t want to wake up at all - she wanted to stay in bed and be left alone. Then, she didn’t want her diaper to be changed. Then, she wanted to wear a dress, but not the dress my husband had picked out, so that upset her. Then, she didn’t want her bottle of milk. Then, she did want it. Then, she didn’t want her teeth to be brushed. Then, she didn’t want her hair to be brushed. Then, she didn’t want to leave the house. It went on and on and on like that. She protested every single thing we needed to do. I am generally very patient when it comes to my child, but that morning tested my patience and made me question the whole “gentle parenting” thing. Nonetheless, I stayed calm and let her cry while we got her ready.
After I had dropped off Bebe that morning, I was thinking on the way to work about ways we can streamline our mornings and avoid (or at least minimize) the back-to-back tantrums. I thought about the fact that her behavior is always the worst when she’s tired. I considered whether time-outs and taking things away from her in the mornings are helping the situation (I don’t think they are), and what we can do better (probably a lot). I don’t want all of our lives to be harder in the mornings - I want to find effective strategies for getting us out of the house as efficiently as possible without so much resistance.
Here are some strategies I thought of to make our weekday mornings easier:
More sleep. I’ve noticed that when Bebe can sleep ad libitum (such as on the weekends), she wakes up in a jubilant mood, is all hugs and smiles, and we generally have a great day. When she doesn’t get enough sleep or when we’re late going down for a nap, that’s when she acts up the most. So, the obvious first step is to ensure Bebe gets more sleep. This one is tough for us, though. On the weekends, Bebe sleeps about 12-14 hours straight, but during the week, we would have to get her to bed by 5:00 p.m. for her to get that same amount of sleep. My husband and I try to have her in bed by 8:00 p.m. (which would give her 10 hours to sleep), but we often get her into bed a little late, closer to 9:00 p.m. So, I think the best thing we can do here is just try to be more strict about the 8:00 p.m. bedtime, because getting her into bed earlier than that just isn’t possible. My husband and I usually don’t get home until around 6:00 p.m. - that’s only two hours to have dinner, clean up afterward, have some playtime, handle bath time, and get her into bed.
Getting her clothes on at night. I got this idea from Ms. Rachel, admittedly (I follow her on Instagram). The idea is that you pick out your child’s clothes the night before and let them sleep in them so that you don’t have to change their clothes in the morning. The only thing you’d have to do in the morning is change their diaper/pull-up. My gut reaction to this idea was that it’s gross and that it’s not that hard to change a child’s clothes in the morning. But now that I have a toddler who doesn’t like any of the clothes we put on her, I understand better why this strategy might work.
Keeping hair-styling very simple. Just a little ponytail and a bow (optional) will suffice. I like to do cuter, more elaborate hairdos when I have more time, but the longer I try to make my daughter stand up, the crankier she gets in these situations. If I’m just doing a ponytail, I can have her hair done in less than 5 minutes.
Don’t try to get her to do things on her own (at least not in the mornings). Usually, we tell Bebe what we want her to do so that she can practice doing basic tasks, but she is resistant to literally everything we tell her to do in the mornings. For example, we usually tell her to walk herself to the bathroom, and then we prepare her toothbrush so that she can brush her teeth. Going forward, I’m thinking it may be wiser to just carry her to wherever we need her to be (such as the bathroom or living room, or kitchen) and then do everything for her, like brush her teeth. There is plenty of time after we get home and on the weekends for her to practice handling basic tasks.
Chuck the morning TV time. Our routine up until now has been to let Bebe watch some TV while she drinks her morning milk. However, this also kills time because she complains when we have to turn the TV off. I’m thinking it may be wiser to just not turn it on in the first place.
Forget about the morning bottle of milk altogether. In addition to getting rid of TV in the morning, I think it may be wise to do away with morning milk at home altogether. Alternatively, we can put some milk in a sippy cup and let her drink it on the way to daycare. That would save us about 10 full minutes in the morning.
Yesterday morning, my husband and I implemented every single one of the strategies above, and wow, the difference was enormous. There were no tears whatsoever, and we were able to leave our house about 20 minutes earlier. Even better than I had expected. That doesn’t mean our daughter won’t still be cranky in the mornings sometimes; it just means we’ll be able to get through our morning routine with less resistance. I think it’s important to remember that being a perfect parent is impossible, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make things easier for ourselves and our children. As a parent, I think it’s a mistake to be stuck in our ways to the point where we refuse to change anything about how we do things.
XOXO, Alexis.